Crush
by IAmSuper
Summary: Yes, Doctor Hojo is a raving psychopath. I like him.


Nobody here belongs to me. I'm all sad and um, stuff.  
  
  
  
[crush]  
  
It was such a wonderful thing, to be in love. Hojo smiled slightly at Lucrecia's retreating form - she'd left with a quiet good-night, and a fleeting, one-armed hug that he hadn't bothered to return. Actually, it was the one-week anniversary of the first time she'd hugged him; it hadn't graduated to anything more than that. It put a smile on his face to know that such a beautiful woman would choose himself over a high-ranking Turk.  
  
//She would make an excellent mother,// he though absently, //if only because her children would inherit her looks.// Of course, she made a better scientist, rarely questioning his judgment and carrying out orders exactly. Sometimes, though, he thought she turned her eyes away, lending an appreciative gaze to someone else.  
  
Ah, well. As if looking at a person signified anything at all.  
  
The light in the mansion laboratory was usually bright, but now the expansive room was dim. Hojo adjusted his glasses as he leaned over the table. When he'd first arrived, it had been a desk, but he had no use for two desks, and the one in the library had better suited his purposes. Everything that had been in or on the desk - statistics, records of the ShinRa family, letters - had been thrown away; he had no use for those, either. A think plastic cover had been put on the desk, and a bright lamp fitted to the side. It was shut off as the doctor toiled over his work; he was used to low lighting. Life in Nibelheim demanded it.  
  
If the basement was his office, the reactor was his storage closet. He paused, syringe in hand: he definitely deserved a trip to the reactor, after such a long night. Jenova didn't need to be checked on every few hours - she certainly wasn't going anywhere. Besides, Lucrecia might see -  
  
He scowled. Lucrecia was a scientist, she should see nothing wrong with him visiting the reactor - and yet, there was something she didn't like about it.  
  
The doctor sneezed, pausing in his thoughts long enough to curse the dusty basement.  
  
He didn't know precisely what it was, but it was there. He saw her thinking about the - the *something* - every time he got up from his desk or the table, unannounced, took off his gloves or left notes unfinished, and walked out of the basement. She knew when he was going to see Jenova, but he didn't know how, or why it would make her think about whatever-it- was.  
  
Jealousy? He paused again. That was ridiculous. Why would Lucrecia be jealous of his scientific interests? //Scientific being the key word,// he thought. It was, after all, his work.  
  
The gloves came off with a snap, and Hojo contemptuously latched the top of the rat cage. The results, if any, would show in about a day.  
  
The mansion was quiet. The Turks had gone back to the hotel, the other scientists had done the same. Gast was gone, back in Midgar. Lucrecia wasn't around to think about whatever she thought about, but told him nothing of. It was safe to see Jenova.  
  
He climbed the spiral staircase quickly, individual steps going unnoticed as his goal seemed to manifest at the top: Jenova. He imagined that her placid expression twisted into a smile for him, fingers beckoning ever so slightly. He picked up speed as the vision got closer, and stopped altogether as it vanished.  
  
If only she were alive, he thought. No Lucrecia could compare to the otherworldly beauty of his Jenova, and she would surely reward him for waking her.  
  
He stumbled through the mansion, past Lucrecia's room, then past his own room, on the verge of laughing out loud. It was almost like a little girl's dream - handsome prince on a white horse - but for him, it was a sage of the old Planet, an exquisite earth-angel riding on a cloud, and the Promised Land was her palace.  
  
The doctor nearly tripped over the last step of the grand staircase - who was that outside the yard? He slowed momentarily to peer out the window at the lone figure bathed in the flickering, sickly lamplight. Valentine.  
  
Hojo sneered. He didn't care what the Turk saw; he was going to the reactor. //Let him tell Lucrecia, too,// he thought as he opened wide the double doors. It didn't matter.  
  
The night was damp and cold, much like the basement. He didn't bother to shut the doors; he'd be back. //You can come in now,// he wanted to scream, //the door's open!//  
  
As though he'd read the doctor's mind, Valentine looked up. His eyes weren't visible, but Hojo knew the Turk could see - and was watching - everything he did, so he grinned nastily in the direction of the lamppost.  
  
Then, in case the man was reading his mind, Hojo thought as loudly as he could: //Fuck you, Valentine. She's mine, and I don't even want her.// He grinned wider, standing still in the middle of the yard, Valentine just as motionless against the lamppost, each taunting the other with silence.  
  
//Asshole.// The doctor turned and pushed open the gate. //You can't act like that forever, Valentine. Everybody dies. You probably won't find that out until it's too late, though. Turks.// He snorted derisively. //Fools, all.//  
  
A slight breeze picked up as he left the town, urging him on like a personal invitation. Out of curiosity, he looked back - the Turk had halved the distance between the lamppost and the mansion.  
  
I can beat you there. Hojo turned to the trail. //You'll hesitate; you'll wait outside the door because you're unsure of what you mean to her. But I know. I don't have to stop, because she welcomes me.// He stumbled over a rock, concentration momentarily broken - who was he talking about? A strong gust plastered the lab coat to his thin frame.  
  
//Oh yes// - he brightened - //Jenova.// The wind and a light rain began to beat down on him as the reactor rose into sight, looming against the clouds - a temporary palace. //You won't beat me, Valentine, and Lucrecia, always watching, always thinking about me behind my back.//  
  
The steps clanked heavily as he climbed, and the door slid open upon the command of his employee card. His anticipation grew as he realised that she was only three rooms away - past the pipes, down the ladder. he'd done it so many times, he could've found her in his sleep.  
  
/Hurry/. A whisper graced the edges of his mind as he stepped into the red-lit makou room. "My dear," he replied, "I am nearly there." One hand casually behind his back, he typed in the code: HOJO. Simple, easy, almost perfect. JENOVA would've been too obvious.  
  
//The hum of expensive machinery must be very poor company.// "I'm here now, my dear." He assured, placing one pale hand on the glass. Her tiny smile encouraged him; she could hear every word. Tentatively, he smiled back. It was such a wonderful thing, to be in love. 


End file.
